Boring Week

Not much is going on now days. Just hangin' out and working. Jason seems to have lost a little steam on the job hunt, he's had a few face to face rejections that has worn on him. He's been sleeping in more and more, which worries me. I try to stay positive with him, but I still can't help but think of the consequences of him not being able to find work. What would we do about getting married? He says we still will, that we'd "make it work"... but how could we? Living on my income solely is out of the question. I barely make enough to cover the bills we already have-- cell phone, car, etc. Even living with parents on one side or the other (which isn't really an option in my family), how would we contribute? Clean, I guess. It's a little stressful but I'm sure it's going to be okay. I still need to keep on a happy face. We'll find SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I'm sure of it.
Other than that, things at work are going good. No conflicts, which totally helps the environment. I'm signed up for my next two trainings for my level 5 and I'm expecting my level 4 next month!! That's two pay raises before the wedding, so that's on the plus side. :)
Bandit is my little sweetie as always. Such a cute puppy!! We start training for him Saturday and I think everyone's excited for that. Jason and I haven't quite had the time we've wanted to take him out on walks, but when we do we try to make them longer. It's not like it would hurt us, either!! Training should help get him back in the habit of "out of the house". We'll do that right up until the week before the wedding. So perfect timing on that! At least it will give Jason and I a hobby to work on while we're waiting for July.
The Mills' reunion is coming up Saturday as well... We'll see how that goes. I'm not really looking forward to all the sand but the time with Jason will be wonderful. I always love that!
$100 of my last paycheck went to overdrawn fees, which makes this week difficult. I'm almost out of gas, with no money to get more... and our engagement pictures are this next Tuesday! How are we going to get to Salt Lake to take them? Or get my hair cut and styled? Or get an outfit I feel half way decent in? I have no clue... My Mom said we could reschedule them, which is true I suppose. I just have been looking forward to them so much, that would make me feel bad. But we're paying SO much for pictures!! I would hate to just "do" them spur of the moment and not like them. I did that with my graduation pictures and vowed to never do it again. Then here I am.... what to do, what to do?...

Will it ever end?...

Sometimes all the stress just completely overwhelms me, and I wonder if I'll ever make it out of this alive. I guess in the end, none of us really do. We all deal with it, then die. It's been a good Easter, with plenty of celebrating. Fun, fun. Tonight, however, was not as fun. I've been thinking a lot about my bridesmaids. I'll thrilled to have them, don't get me wrong, but just worried about how much MORE that will cost me. Dresses, flowers, matching ties and boutonnieres. Oh joy. Not to mention that Jason and I already have a million things to pay for! My ring, the rest of our honeymoon, marriage licence, our share of the wedding costs... Then an apartment! And Jason's out of work!! Anyway, tonight it all came crashing down on me at once. It wasn't a pretty picture. Poor Jason was so confused at first, then depressed once I got it all explained properly. I know he's doing the very very best he can. I don't fault him in the least. It's just trying to figure out everything on my own. Mom helps a bit, Jason is so focused on the job hunt-- It's just me in the end. So, what to do, what to do?

Conference

It's been a nice conference weekend. I loved the talked from the Sunday morning session, they were my favorite. Jason and I spent the weekend together, which was so lovely... We spent Saturday morning with my Dad, then we spent the afternoon just talking. We set some goals for our relationship and talked about how to accomplish them. It was nice to just chat and get everything out. We were going to go to Jason's house, but his family got tickets to see the session live. Amanda stayed home sick, though. It was a bit odd to be there with just the three of us. So we went out to eat and talk instead. Today I went to Jason's house first and then we went to Wendi's to spend time with my family. Being with Jason's family is terribly uncomfortable for me. They just act so different, I guess. Cuddling up to Jason wasn't too bad, but Tyler made comments, of course. I just tried to focus on my cross stitching and listen. As I said, it was my favorite session. Jason's mom asked about the wedding plans, but didn't really seem interested. Oh, well. We left shortly after the session. I felt much better at Wendi's. Keri and her children even came down. We all ate and watched conference. Jason and I claimed the lovesac early on. It was so nice to just cuddle and relax. My family didn't even glare too badly. I was very pleased. After that session Jason and I left to give the puppy some attention. We took both Bandit and Lady to Steed Park and walked for a half hour or so. We ran into one lady that didn't have her dog on a leash. Then when her dog started to follow us and harass Lady, she completely walked away!! By the time I wanted to get rid of him, even if that meant picking him up myself, she was no where to be found. Lame dog owner people! Hopefully they found each other later, but I never saw them again once we lost the dog. Lady was tired by the end of our walk, she's getting a bit out of shape since we've quit the papers. Hopefully Jason and I will be able to take her more often when we take Bandit. After that, Jason and I came to my house and just watched TV. We relaxed and ate some dinner. It was great. I took him home early, he's been pretty tired lately. I'm off tomorrow, so I didn't mind. We can always see each other again. :)

Closer to my Honey

After getting though the past weekend, Jason and I have actually grown much closer together. We told my parents together on Sunday night and did a devotional. It was so wonderful to have him beside me, having his support makes all the difference in the world. My parents were upset, of course, but they did well handling it. We're going to tell Jason's parents about everything this weekend, when they're both in town. We've done very well to keep up on our devotionals every since Sunday. After we read our scriptures and say a prayer, we cuddle. It's such an amazing feeling... Better than nearly anything. We're going to meet with the stake president weekly, every Tuesday. We're focusing on Jason's pornography issue, our devotionals, and getting everything moving forward in July. That's our next big step that will help us move forward. (And besides that, we can't wait!) The stake president said he would help Jason with the job search . Not that he hasn't done fabulous by himself!! He's applied for jobs everyday, without fail. He's also done so great with the pornography. Last night he called me at two in the morning, saying he was having a bit of a problem. I talked him through it, and nothing happened. I was so proud of him, for calling me and handling everything so well. It's so wonderful to know he's mine, all mine. I don't have to share my husband, with ANYONE or ANYTHING. We also reserved our honeymoon cabin on Monday, which made my entire week! It's so nice to know it's really going to happen. I mean, really, really!! Then on Wednesday, we bought a new ring for me!! It's so beautiful. We got a good deal, and I feel so proud to wear it! Everything has really come together. Jason has done everything to make me truly feel like our wedding is happening. He's on my account, we've been talking about our budgeting, and then getting everything else in place... Mm. :) I have such a good honey. Who knew being excommunicated would be such a blessing, and so soon?