... How is this going to work? ...

Today has not been a good holiday. Yesterday Jason and I found out that my family was planning on going to Logan today to talk to Trenton when he calls. Jason said he didn't really want to go, because we had to leave by 7:30am. But he said he would support me and come anyway. Last night we talked to his parents about the wedding budget. It went well... except for the photography conversation. We didn't expect it to go well, but it's nice to hope. They're concerned that we'll regret our decision to spend that kind of money on "a box of pictures", when we're going to need the money for food or bills. :-P. I don't feel that way at all, because we've cut back everywhere else to afford the photography. And besides that, we may not be starting out "great", but we'll be better off than "where will we find money for food and bills?". I just want the wedding to be special. I want to have the pictures to remember it by. Even if they cost. Jason didn't understand why I was upset. Of course not. It was a frustrationg night, first with his parents, then with Jason himself. I forgot my cell phone at his house, so I didn't have an alarm clock to set. Jason called my house at 6:30am to get me up. I got up and got ready, but apparently Jason didn't. He called at 7:30am, saying he was sick. Of course. He always wakes up sick, throwing up, the morning of an event he doesn't want to go to. Even his family reunion was that way. It's frustrating because I never know when he's really sick, or when he's just trying to get out of something. I can't trust him with events like this. I cried to him, talked to him, and tried to understand him this morning. It didn't matter. Jason is my family, we're engaged. I didn't want to go alone, if Jason is sick enough not to go, I should be with him. He's still my first priority. Though, when I asked if I could come be with him this morning he said he didn't want me there. That cut deep. Between that and missing Trenton's phone call-- I cried all morning. I never got to tell Trenton goodbye... I was with Jason. I just feel so torn. My parents, sisters and kids, or Jason. Jason doesn't seem to want to be apart of my other family. Besides, everyone is watching Jason with me. Every time we fight, every time I go to bed in tears, every time he doesn't show up and I do... it just looks like this relationship won't work. Then it makes me think... will this relationship work? I know I don't make sense to everyone, but is Jason going to be okay with not understanding but taking care of me anyway? The way his was acting this morning makes me think not. I'm not one to go places alone. Jason knows that. Will he be okay with that for the rest of his life, sick or not? I don't know, and I don't know if I want to miss all the important family events for the rest of my life because my husband won't support me in being a part of two families. I feel like I'm repeating Crystal's life. Everyone told her she would be unhappy if she married Matt, that it wasn't going to last. They were concerned that he abused her, that he never went to church or upheld his priesthood. Well, here I am in the same boat. No one likes the idea of Jason and I together... and I'm going to prove them all wrong. Just like Crystal was going to. I'm just worried. With the wedding two months away... Am I suppose to be this unhappy in my relationship?